Like most of you, I spent some time this morning browsing through the Mahabharata looking for material for a class. And I was struck by the courtly fashion in which hospitality-related customer complaints were resolved back in Vedic times:
And the king having signified his assent, entertained Utanka duly. And Utanka seeing that the food placed before him had hair in it, and also that it was cold, thought it unclean. And he said unto Paushya, ‘Thou givest me food that is unclean, therefore shalt thou lose thy sight.’ And Paushya in answer said, ‘And because dost thou impute uncleanliness to food that is clean, therefore shalt thou be without issue.’ And Utanka thereupon rejoined, ‘It behoveth thee not, after having offered me unclean food, to curse me in return. Satisfy thyself by ocular proof.’
“And Paushya seeing the food alleged to be unclean satisfied himself of its uncleanliness. And Paushya having ascertained that the food was truly unclean, being cold and mixed with hair, prepared as it was by a woman with unbraided hair, began to pacify the Rishi Utanka, saying, ‘Sir, the food placed before thee is cold, and doth contain hair, having been prepared without sufficient care. Therefore I pray thee pardon me. Let me not become blind.’ And Utanka answered, ‘What I say must come to pass. Having become blind, thou mayst, however, recover the sight before long. Grant that thy curse also doth not take effect on me.’ And Paushya said unto him, ‘I am unable to revoke my curse. For my wrath even now hath not been appeased. But thou knowest not this. For a Brahmana’s heart is soft as new-churned butter, even though his words bear a sharp-edged razor. It is otherwise in respect of these with the Kshatriya. His words are soft as new-churned butter, but his heart is like a sharp-edged tool, such being the case, I am unable, because of the hardness of my heart, to neutralise my curse. Then go thou thy own way.’ To this Utanka made answer, “I showed thee the uncleanliness of the food offered to me, and I was even now pacified by thee. Besides, saidst thou at first that because I imputed uncleanliness to food that was clean I should be without issue. But the food truly unclean, thy curse cannot affect me. Of this I am sure.’ And Utanka having said this departed with the ear-rings.
The Mahabharata, Book 1: Adi Parva: Paushya Parva: Section III
I think that the Tropicana AC relicensing might have gone a little better if they’d have handled all their customer complaints through ritualistic curses instead of referral to the risk management department, or whatever they did.