In my last column, I talked about why it can be so difficult for us to articulate what we want, to say what we need to be happy. In other words, why do people struggle to know the outcome that they want? My quick answer is that it may be because no one has asked […]
Seeing—and Stopping—Self-Sabotage Before It’s Too Late Read More »
informed informalityPeople have a lot of reasons not to be happy. Many of them anyone would understand, while some might be confusing to others. There are several things that stand in the way of your average human being and happiness, but the biggest obstacle in achieving a modicum of contentment might be being unable to say
Why We Struggle to Say What We Need to Be Happy Read More »
informed informalityDon’t worry, this isn’t a parable about overcoming obstacles along the air-conditioned, controlled environment of an indoor rock-climbing wall. I’m not going to wax in a philosophical direction about lessons we can learn about adversity and determination while feeling for the next handhold. I wouldn’t do that to you. No, I’m going to talk
What’s Your Rock-Climbing Wall? Read More »
informed informalityIn my work as an organizational ombuds, I talk with people who are frustrated for a number of reasons. Most people who come to see me are not happy about something, but the most distressed tend to be those who feel that they are not being heard. I would like to break down five stages
You Know You Aren’t Being Heard, But How Unheard Are You? Read More »
informed informalityEven though I am a full-time ombuds, I still teach one seminar a semester. I’d like to share a few thoughts about how my current course subject, alternate history, might apply to interpersonal communication and conflict resolution. Alternate history is a genre of fiction that simply asks, “What if?” What if Antony won the battle
Learning from Alternate History: Asking ‘What If?’ Before ‘What Now?’ Read More »
informed informalityAs an ombuds, I talk every day with people who are stressed by work. I am also aware that there are numerous self-care resources, and numerous official exhortations to use said resources. And yet I continue to talk with people who are stressed out about work. Some comments I’ve heard have got me thinking that
The Workplace Stress You Didn’t See Coming Read More »
informed informalityI recently had a disquieting revelation, the kind that flips your perceptions. Like many people my age, I was transfixed by A-ha’s song (more accurately, the accompanying video) “Take on Me.” If you were watching MTV in 1985/86, this video was on constantly. With the flipping from live action to monochrome rotoscoping, with a real
How I Closed the Loop Forty Years Too Late Read More »
informed informalityAs promised, my latest book, Something for Your Money: A History of Las Vegas Casinos, was published earlier this month. II would like to take a minute to explain the title. I am open to anything when it comes to book titles. It’s been so long I forget why I settled on Suburban Xanadu for
Why My New Book Is Something for Your Money Read More »
book, informed informalityI have been writing about casino history for a long time—my entire professional career. In recent years, my pace has slowed down a bit as I have been focusing on my ombuds work, which is why I haven’t published anything since my last book, At the Sands. That is going to change in January, when
Why I Have a New Book On the Way (And Why I Wrote the Other Ones) Read More »
book, informed informalityTrust. I was thinking about trust, and naturally the first thing to pop into my mind was “Habanera” from Bizet’s Carmen. In particular, I was suddenly thinking of the lines translated as, “Love is a rebellious bird and it is quite in vain that one calls it, if it suits it to refuse; Nothing to
Turning the Tables on Trust Read More »
informed informalityA recent Wall Street Journal article explored several downsides of the Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), a common management tool that can be a guide for better work or a prelude to termination. The headline makes it clear that the PIP is something to be feared and avoided: “The Most Hated Way of Firing Someone Is
To PIP or Not to PIP? A Two-Step Alternative That Might Make Everyone Happy Read More »
informed informalityIf I wanted to time this post strategically, I would have released it at the start of January when people are going gaga over resolutions and plans to hit the gym, but I feel compelled to write it now, so I am sharing it now. In my Honors seminar (Jazz: An Improvisational American History)
Turning a Corner, Not Knowing What to Expect Read More »
informed informalityI was cruising along on my Peloton to Sam Yo’s Autumn Recovery Ride when he said something that made me think: “Respond, don’t react.” Sam is a great instructor who not only provides a good guide to the workout, but also some food for thought which, combined with the leisurely pace, gave me the luxury
React or Respond? The Answer That Changes the Story Read More »
informed informalityWe’ve all got stuff to work on. Things we need to be better at. Things we need to stop doing. Things we need to just get done. And most of us, every day, do a little to improve, often through a slow and painful process of trial and error. It doesn’t come easy, but since
The Helping Hand That Doesn’t Read More »
informed informalityLet me share something that recently happened to me. I was demonstrating a variant of a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu position known as side control. It is a fundamental posture that I have been doing, at this point, for years; I have also been on the receiving end more than I would care to remember. I
When You Don’t Know What Your Elbow Is Doing, But You Know Exactly Why Read More »
informed informalityHave you ever been lost? You know the feeling—not sure which way is up, which is down, whether you are moving closer or farther from your destination. Maybe it doesn’t happen as often these days thanks to GPS and turn-by-turn navigation, but if you’ve ever gotten lost, you understand how demoralizing, how confusing it is.
When Everything Looks Strange Read More »
informed informalityI feel compelled to share some thoughts about an experience I had when I worked casino security. This isn’t a tale of a foiled robbery or other heroics. It’s not a story about seeing people at their worst or making a difference in someone’s life. No, it’s something a little more mundane, and hopefully relatable.
Why I Have Negative Knowledge (A Casino Security Reminiscence) Read More »
informed informalityWhat do we need from others to feel appreciated? And can being appreciated be better than being understood? In the past I have written about the importance of Mary Rowe’s concept of “microaffirmations,” small acts that, when practiced regularly, can promote belonging and improve a culture. Last week, I led nine workshops for Rebel Ready
Who Do We Appreciate? Read More »
informed informalityI have had the story of Orpheus and Eurydice on my mind, and not just because I recently saw Hadestown. A quick summary: Orpheus’s wife, Eurydice, died of a snakebite. The grieving Orpheus journeyed to the underworld, where he moved everyone with his singing, including the big bosses Hades and Persephone. They permitted him to
The Orpheus Syndrome, or When Asking Makes It Worse Read More »
informed informalityI had one of those moments where I absolutely said the wrong thing, to great comic effect. But what does that say about how we can communicate better with each other?
Brain Battles Mouth. Mouth Wins. Hilarity Ensues. Read More »
informed informality