I recently spent some time with someone who was in a tough spot. They had gotten some very bad news earlier in the day and were so lost that the only hope seemed to be self-destruction. While I was getting to know the person, they were given some advice from a Henderson police officer that struck home.
“When we take EVOC (Emergency Vehicle Operator Course, the necessary certification for driving emergency vehicles),” he said, “they teach you to not look at the problem. You steer towards the solution. When you look at something, your natural tendency is to move towards it, so we look at the solution, not the problem.”
Great advice for avoiding a motor vehicle crash, but also good words for anyone who is going through a rough patch. It certainly resonated with the person in crisis, and, upon immediate reflection, me.
When we are in a bad situation, we quite naturally tend to fixate on the problem: what got us here and what is going wrong. But just like staring at something is sure to slide us towards it whether we intend it or not, dwelling on our negative thoughts almost certainly guarantees that we will remain mired in them.
Could “looking at the solution” by instead thinking about a positive outcome pull us in a good direction? I think there’s enough of a chance that the answer is yes to give it a try. What is the downside? Do you really think that someday you’re going to regret not beating yourself up more? That when you’re trying to get to sleep some night you’ll tell yourself that you really should have taken more time to think about how terrible things have been? Hopefully not.
Sometimes when we’ve gotten roughed up emotionally or professionally there is a temptation to wallow in the misery, perhaps out of a misguided belief that we deserve it or that if we just stay there, someone will rescue us and make the bad go away. I don’t know your situation, but more likely than not neither of those options are grounded in reality. Or, as Streetlight Manifesto said, “No one will catch us so we’ll catch ourselves:” not waiting for a rescue and not prolonging the pain. Looking at the problem for a microsecond longer than the time it takes to recognize it only delays and makes less likely the solution.
“Steering towards the solution” can be reinforced by something I have long advocated: avoiding deficit thinking and instead building on strengths to move forward. It might be human nature to fixate on the negatives, overlooking the hundred compliments we might get during the say while retaining and magnifying the lone derogatory comment.
Deficit thinking is a killer. I have seen outwardly accomplished and objectively talented people crippled by it. There is something in the human psyche that is so vulnerable that makes deficit so natural but so hurtful. Case in point: I can get multiple student evaluations after a class is over enthusiastically talking about how great the course was: a moment’s gratification. One that mentions a slight negative, a week of sporadic brooding. I don’t think I’m the only one.
Sometimes it takes someone else to remind us of all of our positives. Think of it as them shouting and waving to get us to look away from the problem and in the direction of the solution. But we can do it ourselves, too, perhaps by consciously remembering that advice, maybe imagine that we are in an emergency vehicle a split second between disaster and safety.
“Looking at the solution” might not always be as easy as it sounds, because sometimes it looks like you don’t have any open lanes, anywhere to head. That is when it is great to have someone in the passenger seat who might see an opportunity that your adrenaline infused brain doesn’t. When they point it out, you thank them and steer accordingly but also wonder “Why didn’t I see that?” Well, tunnel vision is real, particularly when we are stressed, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
Metaphorically, of course, the person in the passenger seat could be anyone you talk to about the situation—including, of course, your friendly neighborhood ombuds.
From my own EVOC training, I have another analogy. The collision avoidance section involves steering straight ahead towards a wall of cones before, several agonizing seconds after one can safely avoid the hazard (so it seems when you’re being tested in the driver’s seat; probably looks much different for the instructor on the passenger side), the instructor will tell you “right” or “left,” and you will steer accordingly.
The analogy is this: we don’t hit the brakes while we are turning. There are solid vehicle dynamics reasons for this; you don’t want to shift your weight forward while turning. But it also has the seeds of a deeper lesson: once we commit to change, we don’t want to hesitate or, worse yet, stop completely. Instead, we trust the judgment that got us this far, commit, and reassess once we are past the immediate hazard.
I look at it this way, using simple logic: you’re in a bad spot, and you have a new direction, which will either get you where you want to be, or won’t. If you fully commit, you might get there, or someplace worse, but if you hesitate or vacillate, it certainly will fail, and you’ll definitely be in a bad spot. Have faith in your initial judgment, play the odds, and let the solution play out. If it doesn’t you can confidently try something else.
For example, someone is having a hard time with their supervisor and resolves to speak with them frankly about their frustrations. In one timeline, they water down their critique so much (tapping the metaphorical brakes) that the supervisor is convinced they are providing great supervision and amplify the troubling behavior. In the other, the person shares their perspective, with two potential outcomes: the supervisor self-reflects and changes their behavior, or they now resent the person slightly more, which admittedly is a degree worse than the original situation, but at least there was a chance of things improving. And maybe the mere fact of speaking up triggers a new respect from the supervisor, moderating them a bit. While it may be emotionally difficult to hit that turn without slowing down, it really is the only option.
So until next time, expect the unexpected, stay informed, and I’ll stay informal.
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