I recently had the opportunity to talk about the benefits of an ombuds office to organizations. As I see it, the most basic one is a place where people can talk and be heard. While some might argue that listening, as a passive activity, doesn’t do much good, I would counter that it is often the most effective single thing that one can do when speaking with someone who is having difficulties.
Since this is my first post of 2026, I’m going to slip an aside about the speeding passage of time. I’m about to reference a post I wrote about the five stages of not being heard. As I am scrolling my posts looking for the link, I’m thinking, “I just wrote it a few weeks ago.” I felt a little queasy when I learned that I wrote it almost nine months ago.
So anyway, way back in March 2025 I put together a few words about the different levels of being unheard, from being unable to speak all the way to being fully heard and appreciated. In it, I wrote about the frustrations of speaking “with all of the benefits of passion and logic” to someone who just doesn’t care to listen. Have you been there? If so, you know exactly what I mean—how demoralizing that can be.
When people are feeling upset, they are often experiencing three disconcerting things at once: 1) something terrible is happening to me 2) we are in a world where something this terrible can happen 3) no one seems to notice or care.
Ultimately, the person wants to do something to correct the first thing, but the fact that they are getting upset rather than doing something about it indicates that fixing the underlying problem might not be quick, easy, or even possible. In a workplace scenario, the issue could be as simple as a supervisor or co-worker who is unpleasant to be around. Let’s run with that example.
In the case of the supervisor who is not fun to spend time with but isn’t outright violating any laws or organizational regulations, it may be difficult for someone outside the situation to “do something” about the problem. It’s also not easy for anyone to change the world we live in, which leaves one thing that anyone can actually do for someone in this predicament: listen.
While it may on the surface seem to not be “doing anything” about the underlying problem, simply listening has three immediate benefits. First, it helps the person who is speaking feel that they are not alone, that there is at least one other person in the universe who cares enough to stay a while and listen. Second, it gives the person a chance to put their thoughts into words, a valuable step in processing any experience. Finally, listening actively gives the listener the information they need to ask questions that can further help the person process what has happened and think about what they want to do next. Far from “not doing anything,” simply listening can be the most valuable thing that someone else can do in the moment because it helps the person reflect on what happened and what happens next.
I would like to make explicit what I have implied above: that listening to someone will provide them great support. If you are the kind of person that likes to help others, one of the most basic things that you can do is just listen. I am struggling to think of a scenario where listening to a person would make them worse off, so if you want to help but don’t know where to start, it is hard to go wrong with listening.
But, you might say, I am the kind of person who doesn’t really care about others, and doesn’t want to make the world more tolerable for anyone in any way at all. This “listening” junk, it seems like a bunch of feel-good nonsense that just wastes my time while I could be doing more valuable things.
I’m not in a position to reflect on what is the most valuable way for you to spend your time, but I will humbly suggest that listening to others has benefits for oneself as well as others, and that the benefits to oneself might even outweigh the good listening will do for others. First, by listening we can gain knowledge, and as we all have probably heard, knowledge is power. So listening by definition makes one more powerful. Second, hearing someone else’s story can help us reflect on our own story, and perhaps think of ways we can change. Third, by listening we appear more intelligent and thoughtful to others, causing us to rise in their estimation. If I offered you a way to get smarter, self-improve, and look better to others, you might be wondering what it would cost. In this case, nothing more than remaining silent and attentive.
Let’s say you are now on board with the great listening trend; how does one start? The answer is both passively and actively. The passive part happens when one simply stops speaking, scrolling, or otherwise not paying attention, and focuses on the words of a fellow human being. The active part involves considering what they have just told you as well as what else you think they might like to say, and asking a question that prompts them.
I was recently in a high-stress situation with someone I didn’t know well at all. I wasn’t in a position to do more to fix the situation than I already was doing. She had a lot to talk about. After about 20 minutes, she remarked that I must been desperate to get a word in edgewise and that she should “shut up.”
“That’s OK, I’m more of a listener than a talker, please go ahead,” I responded. She kept talking, and by the end of our time together had given both herself and me a better perspective on what had happened. Even if it didn’t much change the ultimate outcome, listening to her helped us both.
So until next time, expect the unexpected, stay informed, and I’ll stay informal.
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