Diagnosing Unprofessional Communication—and Doing Something About It

We’ve all been there. You are at work, school, or another professional setting, and someone says something to you or someone else that strikes you as remarkably unprofessional. What can you do?

First, let’s define our topic. I take communication as “the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.” An accurate, succinct definition of unprofessional communication is “a mode of interaction that deviates from accepted norms of conduct in a given context.”

I recently prepared a workshop on addressing unprofessional communication for a group of medical residents, which prompted me to frame the question around medical concepts: how would someone recognize unprofessional communication? How would they assess potential interventions? And what treatments might they opt for?

Some of the more infamous examples of unprofessional communication include: interrupting you, or just over-talking you; summarily dismissing something (or anything) you say; eyes rolled after (or while) you speak; texting or browsing while you speak; ignoring texts or emails that you send; not listening to you; publicly shaming you and/or assigning blame; giving unconstructive feedback, particularly unsolicited, unconstructive feedback; gossiping; and not sharing relevant information.

All of the above behaviors are forms of unprofessional communication that cross the line into verbal bullying. So what can you do about it?

The first step is to recognize that you’ve been subject to unprofessional communication. While it might sound easy—after all, we read a comprehensive list two paragraphs back—in the actual world we might dismiss unprofessional communication, either in denial that someone would bully or by excusing/minimizing the behavior.

We can have an emotional response to bullying that could amplify or minimize our concerns, creating problems where none exist or denying that we are in a toxic situation, so analyzing the situation through an intellectual lens may prove helpful: objectively speaking, did someone say, not say, or do something that’s on our list? If so, I have a follow up question: do you feel more or less respected now?

The answers to those two questions will confirm whether you have a case of unprofessional communication.

Now that you have your diagnosis, how can you treat the problem? Let’s walk through how you might assess your potential interventions. Some of us tend to internalize negative experiences, telling ourselves that we’ve done something to deserve them or that we need to work harder to avoid or ameliorate them. Others will jump to externalize, demanding that the other person change their behavior. Again, our first reaction may be one of disbelief or denial. So we can take five steps to go from denial to decision.

1. Step back. When we are stressed, we rarely do our best rational thinking, and an immediate emotional response might make things worse (though it could also make things better). Get out of the situation, breathe, and reflect before taking definitive action.
2. Evaluate the perpetrator. Who are they to you? Do they know what they are talking about? Do you respect them? Do others? Do you want to foster a stronger relationship with them, set boundaries, or both?
3. Take a third-party view: If you witnessed this happening to someone else, what would you suggest they do? What would you do yourself?
4. Which norms does this violate? While the general hunch that you’ve been treated unprofessionally is significant, it is helpful to identify just what rules the transgressor is breaking.
5. What happens next? You don’t control how others act, but you certainly get to do decide what you do next.

Having to counter unprofessional communication, particularly when the perpetrator is in a position of power, can feel overwhelming, but you have a toolkit stocked with five implements that you help you:

1. Respect and regard for yourself. Know your worth. Don’t let others define you.
2. Respect and empathy for others. Appreciate that you know only one perspective here. Others have a story in which their actions appear in a different light.
3. Knowledge of the norms that govern your professional setting. If unprofessionalism is defined as behavior that breaches norms, know exactly which norms are being violated.
4. Outside support. People care about you and want you to succeed. Remember that.
5. Knowledge of your options for action (or, for the medically inclined, interventions). Often, our biggest frustration is not knowing what to do. It seems like there are an infinity of possibilities. Focusing on a few options, and educating yourself about what each entails, can make the next step less daunting.

Depending on whether you tend to internalize or externalize negative experiences, you have a variety of interventions available to you covering ways that someone can address unprofessional communication by others internally and externally. These are not mutually exclusive; each of them can be taken in conjunction with others.

Some self-directed actions:

1. Reflect about your own skills and how you present them. Is there anything that you need to work on?
2. Adjust expectations of others. Are you holding others to unrealistic standards?
3. Resign yourself to poor treatment. Is this just something you need to put on with for the time being? That may not be a pleasant option, but sometimes it might be the best one—for now, at least.

Externally directed actions:

1. Reciprocate. Throw it back in their face. For every eyeroll, roll yours until you’re looking at your occipital lobe. Fight snark with snark. This one probably won’t improve the situation, but if it’s where you are at, be honest with yourself that you are not taking the high road.
2. Vent to someone. Blow off some steam by sharing, in colorful language if necessary, exactly what you are putting up with and just how it makes you feel.
3. Ask for advice. Talk about what you might do; explore different options.
4. Discuss with perpetrator. Go right to the source and share how you feel. On the less confrontational end of what I call the “directness spectrum,” one might apologetically note that there seem to be tensions and inquire as to what can be done to ease them. On the more confrontational end, one can deploy a full armada of self-righteousness, shame, and blame. There is probably somewhere in the middle that works for you.
5. Report to leadership. Let them know what has been going on. It’s usually best to be as objective as possible, sharing in neutral language what happened and why it violates norms.

Unprofessional communication in the workplace (or studyplace) isn’t easy to deal with, but by examining just what happened and looking at the options, it can be manageable.

So until next time, expect the unexpected, stay informed, and I’ll stay informal.

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