Mafia! The hat

While shopping at a local outlet mall, I noticed this wonderful chapeau offered for sale:
I’ve got a few problems with this. The chief one is that only a fool would advertise that they were part of a continuing criminal enterprise. The whole point of the mafia is that it’s supposed to be a shadowy criminal underworld. If you start wearing clothes that actually say “mafia,” you kind of lose the element of surprise.

On the other hand, this would be a great accessory if different organized crime groups were playing in beer-league softball. You could have caps for “Yakuza,” “Russian Mob,” “Triads,” and other well-known criminal organizations.

If you go around telling people that you’re in the mob, you’re most likely not. So if you wanted people to think that you were connected, this is would be the last thing you’d wear. In fact, I thought that maybe you’d want to change the hat to read “not in the MAFIA” to throw people off. But then again, if someone who really was in the mob wouldn’t wear this hat, maybe wearing the hat would be the best way to avoid getting picked up. My head hurts, just thinking about it.

I’ve got one last thing to say: as a proud American of Italian descent, I’m truly thankful that this hat wasn’t in red, white, and green. That would have been too much.

I am disappointed that it wasn’t in pinstripes, and there wasn’t a matching pinkie ring, though.

The trouble-maker that I am, I think that the next time a casino has a “wear sports stuff to work” day, an employee should wear this hat, and see just how long it takes someone to object or call the Gaming Control Board. Come to think of it, it would have been much easier for the Board to crack down on skimming back in the day if all of the mob guys had just worn identifying caps.

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